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Last Updated April 05, 2000
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 This page
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| Collected By Jim Berry
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Visitors Since 5/1/96:  |
File |
Size |
Description |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 12/02/97 |
ZIP: 121K |
Subway RidesTrack Guy: "But it's a little slow out there, it rained last
night." |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 12/02/97 |
ZIP: 134K |
Jerry And Elaine Visit FloridaJerry Says: "Oh Elaine, this is my aunt Stella." |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 12/02/97 |
ZIP: 61K |
Bubble-Boy EpisodeBubbleboy Says: "What's your story?" |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 12/02/97 |
ZIP: 80K |
Master Of His Domain EpisodeEstelle C. Says: "I go out for a quart of milk. I come home and
find my son treating his body like it was an amusement park." |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 12/02/97 |
ZIP: 182K |
Bootlegger EpisodeGeorge Says: "I'm the bad boy. I've never been the bad
boy." |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 12/02/97 |
ZIP: 262K |
Jerry And Elaine Visit FloridaJerry Says: "Oh wow that's the astronaut pen. I heard about
that. Where did you get it?" |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 07/13/97 |
ZIP: 315K |
George Works As Hand ModelEstelle C. Says: "Georgie, would you like some jello?"
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 07/13/97 |
ZIP: 97K |
Georges Parents Consider MovingFrank C. Says: "Take my swim trunks. I woun't need them."
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 07/13/97 |
ZIP: 52K |
Georges Parents Consider MovingFrank C. Says: "Would you believe when I was 18 I had a Silver
dollar collection!?" |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 07/13/97 |
ZIP: 282K |
Georges Parents Consider MovingJerry's Father Answers Phone: "Hello?" |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 07/13/97 |
ZIP: 76K |
George Works As Hand ModelEstelle C. Says: "I always talk about your hands -- how they're
so soft and milky white." |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 07/13/97 |
ZIP: 164K |
Georges Parents Consider MovingFrank C. Says: "Are you telling me there is not one condo
available in all of Del Boca Vista?" |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 07/13/97 |
ZIP: 89K |
Jerry Is A BootleggerKramer Says: "Jerry, George got arrested." |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 07/13/97 |
ZIP: 316K |
Elaine Fails Drug TestPeterman Says: "I too once fell under the spell of opium. It
was 1979. I was traveling to Yanksee in search of a Mongolian horse-head vest. I had got
to the market after sundown. All of the clothing traders had gone. But a different sort of
trader still lurked about. Just a taste he said. That was all it took." |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 06/29/97 |
ZIP: 95K |
George Parks In Handicapped Zone.Wheelchair Salesmen Says: "This is our best model - The Cougar 9000. It's the Rolls Royce of wheelchairs. This is like... You're almost glad to be handicapped." |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 06/29/97 |
ZIP: 97K |
Drake EpisodeElaine Says: "Why is it me who always has to do these things?" Jerry Says: "Because that's your thing!" Elaine Says: "Calling people I hardly know and demanding they return expensive gifts -- That's my thing?" Jerry Says: "...Yeah that's your thing." |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 04/29/97 |
ZIP: 174K |
Kramer Slugs Mickey MantleKramer Says: "I just came back from Mickey Mantle's restaurant." Jerry Says: "How could you go in there?" Kramer Says: "Well I had to. I had to apologize. I mean I punched Mickey Mantle - My idol. It was EATING me up inside!" Jerry Says: "Well what happened?" Kramer Says: "I got down on my knees and I went go ahead Mickey - hit me. I begging ya' Mickey Please hit me. Come on, hit me! I love ya' Mickey - I love ya'" |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 04/29/97 |
ZIP: 251K |
Jerry's Car Gets StolenRental Attendant Says: "Well I'm sorry we have no mid-sized available at the moment." Jerry Says: "I don't understand I made a reservation. Do you have my reservation?" Rental Attendant Says: "Yes we do. Unfortunately we ran out of cars." Jerry Says: "But the reservation keeps the car here. That's why you have the reservation." Rental Attendant Says: "I know why we have reservations." Jerry Says: "I don't think you do. If you did, I'd have a car. See you know how to take the reservation, you just don't know how to hold the reservation. And that's really the most important part of the reservation - the holding. Anybody can just take em'. " |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 02/22/97 |
ZIP: 493K |
George Takes Credit For ReportSteinbrenier Says: "Let me ask you something George are you having any personal problems at home? Girl trouble love trouble of any kind?" George Says: "No sir." Steinbrenier Says: "What about drugs? You doing some of that crack cocaine? Ya' on the pipe?" George Says: "No sir." Steinbrenier Says: "Are you seeing a psychiatrist? Because I got a flash for ya' young man, you're not copus mentus! You got some bats in the belfry!" George Says: "What are you talking about?" Steinbrenier Says: "George I read this report - it's very troubling, very troubling indeed. It's a sick mind at work here. Ok come on boys, come on in here. George this is Herb and Dan. There going to take you away to a nice place where you can get some help. There very friendly people there. My brother in law was there for a couple of weeks, the man was obsessed with lactating women. They completely cured him -- although he still eats a lot of cheese." George Says: "But you see -- you see -- I didn't write that report. That's not mine." Steinbrenier Says: "Of course you didn't George, of course you didn't write it." George Says: "I didn't do it! It just got done! I don't know how it got done, but it did!" Steinbrenier Says: "Of course of course it got done, things get done all the time. I understand. Don't worry your job will be waiting for you when you get back! Get better George! Get Better!" |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 02/17/97 |
ZIP: 392K |
George's Answering MachineGeorge's Machine Says: "Believe it or not George isn't at home. Please leave a message at the beep. I must be out or I'd pick up the phone. Where could I be? Believe it or not I'm not home." |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 11/26/96 |
ZIP: 38K |
Soup NaziJerry's Girlfriend Says: "Hi Shmoopie." Jerry Says: "Hi Shmoopie." Jerry's Girlfriend Says: "No you're shmoopie." Jerry Says: "You're Shmoopie" |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 11/26/96 |
ZIP: 138K |
Soup NaziSoup Nazi Says: "You are the only one who understands me." Kramer Says: "You suffer for your soup." Soup Nazi Says: "Yes that is right." Kramer Says: "You demand perfection from yourself, from your soup." Soup Nazi Says: "How can I tolerate any less from my customer." Customer Says: "Gazpacho Bor favor" (Intentionally spelled wrong) Soup Nazi Says: "Bor favor?" Customer Says: "Oh I'm part Spanish." Soup Nazi Says: "Adios Muchacho" |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 11/26/96 |
ZIP: 31K |
Soup NaziGeorge Says: "Bread. Beautiful" Soup Nazi Says: "You're pushing your luck little man." |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 11/26/96 |
ZIP: 47K |
Soup NaziElaine Says: "You're through soup nazi. Pack it up. No more soup for you. NEXT!" |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 11/26/96 |
ZIP: 59K |
Soup NaziSoup Nazi Says: "No soup for you! Come back -- one year! NEXT!" |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 11/26/96 |
ZIP: 107K |
Smokers EpisodeJackie Chiles Says: "Did that cigarette warning label mention anything about damage to your appearance?" Kramer Says: "No. No it didn't say anything." Jackie Chiles Says: "So you are a victim. And now your face is sallow, unattractive, disgusting" Kramer Says: "So Jackie, do think we got a case?" Jackie Chiles Says: "Your face is my case" |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 11/26/96 |
ZIP: 52K |
Smokers EpisodeKramer Says: "Jackie you did it,, we're rich." Jackie Chiles Says: "You better believe it. Jackie's cashing in on your wretched disfigurement." |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 11/26/96 |
ZIP: 142K |
Smokers EpisodeKramer Says: "Jerry you know my face is my livelihood. Everything I have I owe to this face. It's my allure -- my -- my twinkle." Jerry Says: "You know your teeth are all brown." Kramer Says: "Look away. I'm I'm hideous." |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 11/26/96 |
ZIP: 11K |
Smokers EpisodeKramer Says: "Hey you should come over. Tonight's pipe night." |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 10/31/96 |
ZIP: 23K |
George Try's To Convert ReligionsKramer Says: "I'm dangerous Jerry -- I'm very very dangerous" |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 4/30/96 |
ZIP: 237K |
Elaine's Boyfriend (Reinholds) Takes To Jerry's ParentsAaron Says: "I could have done more. I could have done so much more..." Elaine Says: "You did enough" Aaron Says: "No. I could have called the travel agency. Got them on another flight to Paris. I could have got them out." Jerry Says: "You tried Aaron. It's Too Expensive." Aaron Says: "This Watch... This watch could have paid for the whole trip. This Ring... This ring is one more dinner I could have taken them out to. Water! They need some water!" Elaine Says: "Why?" Aaron Says: "They'll get dehydrated on the plane! Get the Seinfeld's some water!" |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 10/31/96 |
ZIP: 50K |
Jerry Betrays His Long Time BarberEnzo: "Not everybody like'a Newman. So loyal." Newman Says: "Yep. Just the way that I was raised. I'm special" |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 10/31/96 |
ZIP: 157K |
Jerry's Parents Are In TownJerry Mother: "Jerry was necking during Shindlers List?" Newman Says: "Yes! And a more offensive spectacle I cannot recall! Anyway I just really came up to get some detergent." Jerry Mother: "Jerry sends his laundry out." Newman Says: "Oh Right. Well It was nice seeing you folks and by the way -- you didn't here this from me. Ta' Ta'!" {Evil chuckle} |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 10/31/96 |
ZIP: 64K |
George Doesn't Know If He Has A New JobGeorge's Coworker: "I'll get you the Penske file and you can start working on that." George Says: "Yes Yes of course. The Penske file. I can't wait to start working on that. Wow that Penske" |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 10/31/96 |
ZIP: 30K |
Marty Seinfeld Tries Selling His Raincoats.George Says: "You're doing all the legwork." Kramer Says: "That's right!" George Says: "He's ripping you off!" Kramer Says: "You're right -- He's ripping me off!" George Says: "If anybody should be getting more -- it's you." Kramer Says: "He's ripping me off! {Stressed tone}" |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 4/30/96 |
Raw: 39K ZIP: 30K |
George's Eye Problem Is Taken The Wrong WayJerry Says: "Pulp couldn't make it across the table." George Says: "Pulp can move baby!" |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 4/30/96 |
Raw: 99K ZIP: 75K |
Elaine Leaves Dirty Message On Jerry's TapeKramer Says: "Well we're talking with Elaine Benes, adult film star on the set of her new picture -- 'Elaine Does The Upper West Side'". |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 4/30/96 |
Raw: 171K ZIP: 115K |
Kramer Trial Examination By NewmanNewman Says: "But you never became a banker did you mister Kramer? Why?! Why did you fail?" Kramer Says: "I don't know" Newman Says: "It's because you hated your father and you would do anything to displease him. Isn't that true?!" |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 4/30/96 |
Raw: 134K ZIP: 92K |
Kramer Trial Examination By NewmanNewman Says: "I was in the middle of a game of Parcheesi with an old blind man when I excused myself to call my friend as he was very depressed lately because he never became a banker." |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 4/30/96 |
Raw: 112K ZIP: 86K |
Woman Wears Bra In PublicJackie The Lawyer Says: "You can't let the defendant have control of the key piece of evidence. Plus she's trying it on over a leotard. Of course a bra isn't going to fit over a leotard. A bra has to fit right up against a persons skin. Like A Glove!" |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 4/30/96 |
Raw: 68K ZIP: 44K |
Woman Wears Bra In PublicJackie The Lawyer Saying: "Your Honor... We request at this time that Miss. Mishkie try on the bra." |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 4/30/96 |
Raw: 84K ZIP: 69K |
Steinbrenier Thinks George Is DeadSteinbrenier Saying: "Next Thing You Know It's Chaos. And I can tell you this -- Chaos Does Not Work For The New York Yankees -- Not As Long As I'm Running The Show!" |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 4/30/96 |
Raw: 99K ZIP: 72K |
Steinbrenier Thinks George Is DeadGeorge says: "I managed to survive on grubs and puddle water until a kindly old gentleman picked me up." Steinbrenier says: "Grubs huh... I've got to admit I've never tasted one of those." |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 4/30/96 |
Raw: 78K ZIP: 57K |
Woman Wears Bra In PublicMr. Peterman Says: "Zelda Fitsgerald. Ehhh -- Somebody in the twenties wearing this at wild parties driving all the men crazy." |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 4/30/96 |
Raw: 42K ZIP: 30K |
Steinbrenier Thinks George Is DeadFrank Castanza Leaves Jerry A Message: "Jerry it's Frank Castanza, Steinbrenners here, George is dead, Call me back." |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 4/30/96 |
Raw: 231K ZIP: 180K |
Steinbrenier Thinks George Is DeadSteinbrenier Says: "We'll he had been logging some pretty heavy hours -- first one in in the morning, last one to leave at night. That kid was a human dynamo." George's Mother Says: "Are you sure you're talking about George?" Steinbrenier Says: "You are mister and misses Castanza?" Frank Castanza Says: "What the hell did you trade Jay Buhner For? He had 30 home runs, over 100 RBI's last year. He's got a rocket for an arm. You don't know what the hell you're doin'!" |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 4/30/96 |
Raw: 160K ZIP: 127K |
Woman Wears Bra In PublicJerry Says: "And what about you? Trying to bilk an innocent bystander out of a family fortune. Built on sweat and toil. Manufacturing quality Ohenry candy bars for honest hard working Americans." Kramer Says: "You're just out for sex!" Jerry Says: "You're Just Out For Money" |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 4/30/96 |
Raw: 109K ZIP: 75K |
Woman Wears Bra In PublicJackie The Lawyer Saying: "Ohenry -- That's one of our top selling candy bars. It's got chocolate, peanuts, nougat. It's delicious, scrumptious, outstanding!" |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 4/30/96 |
Raw: 58K ZIP: 40K |
George Tries To Milk UnemploymentJerry Says: "I'm gonna' hire you as my latex salesman?: George Says: "Right." Jerry Says: "I don't think so." |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 4/30/96 |
Raw: 83K ZIP: 65K |
Jerry Doesn't Like His BarberNewman Saying: "Hummn. That job sounds like it might be worth a years' free haircuts. And a comb." |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 4/30/96 |
Raw: 402K ZIP: 271K |
George Guards His ATM CodeKramer Says: "Ahh what kind of man are you? Well you weak, spineless, a man of temptations. But what tempts you?" George Says: "huh?" Kramer Says: "You're a portly fellow. A bit long in the waistband. So what's your pleasure? Is it the salty snacks you crave? No no no no no no. Yours is a sweet tooth." George Says: "Get outta' here." Kramer Says: "Oh you may stray but you'll always return to your dark master --The Coco Bean." |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 4/30/96 |
Raw: 84K ZIP: 62K |
George Guards His ATM CodeMr. Peterman Says: "And there -- tucked into the rivers bend was the object of my search. The Guan Jia River Market." |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 4/30/96 |
Raw: 154K ZIP: 106K |
George Tries To Milk UnemploymentGeorge's Date Says: "You think I'm gonna' spend my life with somebody because he can get me a deal on a box of nails?" George says: "I thought we were a team?" George's Date Says: "If I ever need a drill bit I'll call you." |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 4/30/96 |
Raw: 74K ZIP: 52K |
George Tries To Milk UnemploymentGeorge's Date Says: "Thank you for a wonder time George." George says: "I'm glad you enjoyed it." George's Date Says: "I haven't had a Big Mac in a long time." |
File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 4/30/96 |
Raw: 402K ZIP: 305K |
The Bris EpisodeThe Moil Says: "Darling ya' see where that glass is? You see how that glass is near the edge of the table? You got the whole table there to put the glass. Why you chose the absolute edge -- so half the glass is hanging off the table. You breathe and that glass falls over. And then you got broken glass in the carpet. Imbedded in the carpet fibers. Deep deep in the shag broken glass -- bits of broken glass you can never get out. You can't get it out with a vacuum cleaner. Even on your hands and knees with a magnifying glass you'll never get all the pieces. And then you think you got it all. And then one day two years later your walking barefoot you step on a piece of broken glass and ya' kill yourself! Is that what you want? I don't think that's what you want! Is it? do ya'? Huh? Huh? " |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 4/30/96 |
Raw: 210K ZIP: 138K |
Jerry Gets In Trouble With The LibraryJerry Says: "Would you like a cup of tea?" Bookman Says: "Ya' got any coffee?" Jerry Says: "Coffee?" Bookman Says: "Yea coffee." Jerry Says: "No I don't drink coffee." Bookman Says: "No ya don't drink coffee... How 'bout instant coffee?" Jerry Says: "No I don't have..." Bookman Says: "You don't have any instant coffee?" Jerry Says: "Well I don't normally..." Bookman Says: "Who doesn't have instant coffee?" Jerry Says: "I don't." Bookman Says: "Ya' buy a jar of Folgers Crystals ya' put it in the cupboard and you forget about it. Then later on when you need it it's there. It lasts forever -- It's freeze dried. Freeze dried crystals." |
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File is compressed as a .zip Available as of 4/30/96 |
Raw: 87K ZIP: 56K |
Jerry Gets In Trouble With The LibraryMr. Bookman Says: "I don't judge a man by the length of his hair or the kind of music he listens to. Rock was never my bag. But you put on a pair of shoes when you walk into the New York Public Library fella'!" |
Coming Soon... |
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| Only rare quality clips of classic lines from your favorite episodes. |
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